LP9: Come What May


(Bautista, 2014, personal photograph of the Bedford Basin, HRM NS)

When people say there’s just so much going on, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s always too much going on.  To have it the other way is akin to death I suppose.  Life is going on.

Unless what they speak of is the reverberation of constant thought within the mind.  That what they talk of is the incessant “noise” that people can conjure up when egoic transgressions arise and remain.

These past few years, I’ve been studying ego and its affects/effects – I see these moments in myself and in others – I can feel when the mind begins to spin uncontrollably, my own mind that is and surprisingly as of late, I am getting better at sensing the egoic changes in others.

This latter condition is new and honestly it’s exhausting.

After a day of “socializing” – doing groceries, buying gas, holiday shopping, running errands, seeing friends, exchanging emails, supporting students – I seek out methods to quell my mindful/mindless thoughts when they rise to the surface and linger.

I’ve experienced much egoic behaviours this year (as every year) both my own occurrences and the actions of others – transition – deceit – manipulation – hurt – joy – calm – forgiveness – fault – doubt – envy – jealousy – intuition – focus – insecurity and so on.  There was a lot going on.

These following quotes have made their way to me these past few weeks:

  • “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence” – Helen Keller
  • “Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret to life is to “die before you die” — and find that there is no death.” – Eckhart Tolle
  • “Just because things are different – doesn’t mean things have changed” – Irene Peters
  • “When you are afraid, you go to the past or to the future…” – Kelley Rosano

I believe these “signs” come to me for a reason – I am still trying to decipher them, find meaning in them.

But maybe, I don’t need too.

It’s the end of the year, I’m busy, the holidays are nigh and a new year cometh.

There’s a lot going on right now.

And right now, that’s fine.